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[Jun. 6th, 2007|09:54 pm] |
NEW JOURNAL!
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=88.8) petitpeudelafoi
you can keep this one on your friends list if you'd like but i'm pretty much only going to use this one for communities and people i don't know in real life :)
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[May. 31st, 2007|11:18 am] |
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i believe
whomever they may be,
mother, brother, sister, father,
friend, boyfriend, girlfriend, boss or acquaintance,
if you love them, you should tell them.
everyday.
you never know what tomorrow will bring.
i said goodbye to Mark and Jesse this morning.
they make me proud.
going on their little road trip.
:)
last night was a good night.
i chatted with Neil for quite some time.
we don't hang out nearly as much as we used to.
it's sad.
i saw Disturbia with Saucepan.
it was AWESOME.
i loved it.
i have pretty much zero time.
i need to finish getting ready for work :(
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[May. 21st, 2007|12:06 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  happy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | celine dion; all by myself | ] |
i'm happy. i'm crazy. i'm weird. sometimes i'm lonely. i'm loud. i can be obnoxious. 99.9% of the time i don't mean to be a bitch, most of the time it just happens. i'm intuitive. i'm intelligent. i can definitely be funny. i'm fun. i'm random. i'm weird. i'm strange. i'm odd. i'm complicated. i can become very twisted. i try very hard. i hate myself when i'm wrong. or when i don't succeed. i never ever ever want to be wrong. i think the way my brain works should make sense to EVERYone else. it just works. correctly. i think i'm better. a lot of the time. smarter. :) i don't mean to sound conceited. i really don't. sometimes i just think people are stupid. they cop out. i enjoy life. i enjoy waking up and wondering what the day holds for me. Regina Spektor just came on. my playlist is on repeat. i love music. i enjoy remembering the time this song reminds me of. people are just people. :) maybe this song is a sign. it absolutely postively definitely corrulates to the point i'm basically trying to make with this post. how are you supposed to plan for the future and live every moment like it's your last at the same time? how do you not take in consideration the consequences of your actions while at the same time just flinging yourself into every moment merely on the concept of enjoying that experience. life is crazy, man.
i enjoy life. i really do. i'm so glad to be alive. to be here. to be witness to this. to everything. it's amazing. miraculous. mind-blowing.
:)
edit:// i'm addicted. what can i say?
my friend Matt and I had a very good conversation tonight. I was thinking about posting it but then I reconsidered because I love him and it was a conversation between friends. :) i love my friends. i learned a long time ago that a true friend is someone who knows every single little crazy thing about you and still wants to be seen in public with you. music speaks to my soul sometimes. a certain song comes on that COMPLETELY relates to my life in every way, shape and form and it's almost as if the band made that song solely for me. i miss my friends. all of my friends that i've known over the years who have met an untimely end. i hate bringing this stuff up because i know it effects a whole lot more people other than me, but still, sometimes, it's tough. it can be a lot to take.
i'd like to think everything happens for a reason. you go through certain trials and tribulations just to determine how well you deal with certain situations. how strong you really are. and the way you deal with those taxing situations is what makes you who you are. earlier i was chatting with Mark about life. i said something like, "i think 'who you are' is like a microscope that is looking at a slide of a bunch of tiny little things running around, and sometimes you zoom in, like at certain points in your life, and those little things zooming around turn into magnifications of a certain characteristic." i think that's true.
i'm talking to andrea now. matt still, too. i miss andrea terribly. i miss the times we had the summer of '05. it was definitely one of the best summers of my life. i also miss my best friend, Shawna Marie. I saw JVillatico today. him and Joey. they made me think of her and the half-days we would spend on their dock. sweet life :)
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| it's days like these |
[May. 15th, 2007|11:52 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | like im sinking in quicksand | ] |
| [ | music |
| | the brand new brand new cd :) | ] |
a few weeks ago while we were driving around in the car at work, one of my "superiors", Sean, says, "Jen, can I ask you a question? No, no I can't. It's going to offend you. I don't want to hurt your feelings. I don't want you to think I'm an asshole. I'm just curious about something."
he does this shit all the time.
and of course, 'cause i like to act all badass in front of people and make them like me, i say sure, no problem. meanwhile, Josh, my manager, and this other employee, Nick, are harrassing Sean about what he just said, telling him to either say what he has to say or yelling at him for even saying anything that stupid in the first place AND making fun of him for constantly doing stupid shit like that. so finally Sean says, "Jake told me you had a glass eye with a goldfish in it that swam around. Like the glass eye was the bowl and the shit just swam around."
?
i giggled. :)
people are stupid.
sometimes though, i want to runaway.
start over.
try new things.
meet new people.
live differently.
just live.
i want to speak different languages.
i want to have time to read.
i want to be able to hop, skip and jump to a shady spot underneath a big huge tree on the top of a hill overlooking an amazingly gorgeous landscape where i can just read in peace and quiet.
i want to learn.
i want to be able to throw myself into things.
so passionately.
so vigorously.
there's a fire burning.
deep inside of me.
sometimes i think it's smoldering.
sometimes life brings it out of me.
i can be so motivated.
i can be so driven.
i can also call out of work for an impulsive, selfish reason.
i started writing this on accident,
but i kinda like it now.
the words are flowing from my fingertips.
it's kinda funny :)
i wish i could find my calling.
my true calling.
wake up every morning and absolutely love what i do.
crave it.
need it.
think it.
breathe it.
live it.
but definitely still have time for a select few people.
my friends&family.
i just want a good life.
a full life.
i want to make sure that when my life is flashing before my eyes before i die, it's worth watching.
it's the most amazing, wonderful, incredible experiences.
mind-blowing.
orgasmic.
:)
i'm a potty-mouth.
i didn't mean that word in the usual way it is used.
anyway.
i should go to sleep.
although, i know that even if i lay down now, i'm going to be awake thinking for hours.
i have to work tomorrow.
that sucks.
work gets annoying quick.
i don't know if it's the people or the job.
i don't think it's the job.
i'm pretty good at it when i'm into it.
i'm just not always into it.
i don't want to have to give 100% mind and body every second of the day.
it's exhausting.
and i'm a lazy fuck.
but then again, it's an awesone job.
and i can make a shitload of money working there.
and i can most likely work my way up through the company.
i should ask to be transferred.
i'll start a new canvassing department somewhere else.
anywhere.
i'll put every state in a hat.
and pick one.
or maybe top 5.
hmm i don't know.
i'd have to devise a plan to decide on the location that i'm comfortable with.
i should fucking do that.
i'd be rich.
i could start over.
start fresh.
new everything.
only thing is, i'd be alone.
hmm.
i should get a puppy :)
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| (no subject) |
[May. 10th, 2007|10:39 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  annoyed | ] |
i am so confused.
puzzled.
perplexed.
i don't know what to do.
ROAR
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| * nobody said it was easy |
[Apr. 12th, 2007|02:44 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | stuck | ] |
| [ | music |
| | rascal flatts; i'm moving on | ] |
rascal flatts speaks to my heart & soul.
i should figure out my debts and either file for bankrupcy or start paying them off myself. i should look for a new job. i should get a new dentist. i should make an appointment to get my tooth fixed. and maybe get braces again, or atleast a new retainer. i should get a new doctor. i should make an appointment to see my eye doctor. i should get a new prescription for my eye medicine and start taking it again. i should get new glasses. i should go back to school. should should should. could could could. but don't. i accept failure.
i should stop that. i should get out of debt and go back to school. but instead, i sleep until atleast 2pm everyday, do other peoples' laundry and dishes while disregarding my own chores, then eat dinner and hang out with Mark until we go to bed. it's a great life, and i love it. but i can't say that i can't complain, because i can. i hate how my grandparents talk to me, and how they compare me to Nick. i hate the fact that my life is going NOWHERE but mainly, i hate the fact that i'm okay with that.
i want to stop paying for a phone i don't even have, or atleast get a new phone. i want a car. i want to be able to visit Saucepan or Lopes on the weekends. i want to be able to go out to eat and not worry about how much i have to spend. i don't want to have to live paycheck to paycheck. i want a routine. stability. i want a good life. unfortunately, i want it to just be handed to me. why shouldn't it? nothing else has. that's a shitty attitude to have.
the other day i said i wanted to make a list of things i wanted to accomplish, or experience, before i die. so, ( here it is )
i'm going to try and write down my dreams every night from now on. last night i dreamt i was at a hearing to adopt a black deaf baby who i think was this baby, James i used to take care of when i worked at the daycare in a church in Worcester with Amanda, and i was granted custody of the baby. then i brought him to a daycare, i was nervous and tried to pour myself a cup of coffee but spilt it everywhere and my glass was empty. i don't remember the exact sequences of my dreams, but i do remember i was at a park or carnival, some big event, and my friend Kera wanted to fight me for some reason, and her mom was screaming at her to attack me, and then a bunch of other people joined in but somehow i only got a black eye and i was holding my own until i ran up a hill to my friends where Katy and Shawna scared everyone away. at some point i dreamt i smoked with Neil, my brother Chris, my brother Nick and i think some of his friends, too. then, i was living back at brookside, and i was in my room and i had someone's phone, i thought it was Adam's because i was just in the car with him but it was Christine's so i brought it to her house which was where Nick's room is, and her mom Sandy told me she missed me and that i was always nice to her. what does it all mean? i'd like to know.
i wish i could rewind back to senior year. i would run track and i wouldn't work my life away. i would realize that these were the last few months all my friends would be together, and i would cherish them and not take them for granted. i would have saved, saved, saved and actually stayed at Saint Leo. but i guess, if all that had changed, i wouldn't be who i am today. i'm not sure if that's a good thing or not.
i want to be someone people look up to, admire. i want to be the girl other girls want to be, and every guy wants to date. i want to make other people jealous. i want to be rich. i want to be happy. i want things to come easily to me. i want to stop sitting here bitching and moaning about all the things i want and deserve and just get up and start working towards them. i want to stop wanting and start doing.
but in reality, i'll sit here, and want, and be jealous of those who do, until i myself have a reason to do, but until then, i sit, and wait, and want.
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 20th, 2007|05:48 am] |
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friends
only ♥
comment to be added :]
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